• jaholderbecker

October 2nd, 2019 - Defying

This is a tough one that I think everyone deals with- when you ask a child to do something, and they blatantly don't do it - or even worse, they do the opposite- how do you handle that? And then when it's in front of a group of people in the grocery store or at church... well, that can be so embarrassing!

Ginger pointed out that it's so easy to make excuses:

- well, my poor kids are so tired

- or hungry

- they probably didn't hear me!

- I can't blame them, it's hard to be a kid!

However, when we do this, she says it "teaches children to blame-shift rather than take responsibility for their own sin of disobedience." It isn't getting to the heart of the matter!

We had some really good discussion about this topic yesterday. I thought I would share some points that were made:

- If we are teaching them to be responsible adults, then they need to learn how to obey and be pleasant in spite of being tired and hungry

- Holding them up to a standard of obedience does not mean that we don't offer grace and forgiveness when they sin - just like God never holds back when we do.

- Sometimes when disobedience happens in front of a group of people, we get upset and want to act out in our frustration. It is better to take the child aside and not exasperate or embarrass them, but follow through with reproving and training them to obey as set up in the book.

- This is about consistency and follow through - children try to find their boundaries and will push you until you set them. Using God's word every time until they understand how to "obey all the way, right away, and with a gentle heart" will help them be more obedient.

- Avoid power struggles like Ginger talked about - always remembering that they are sinning against God, and you are in their life to help them be obedient followers of Christ, not just that they obey you.

I like this quote: Good parenting is not shown in being a militant dictator but in demonstration respect for our children while, at the same time, requiring obedience.

This week: stop before you yell, or say "just wait til your father gets home!" and instead, use the passages she mentions to really get to the heart of the matter.

May God be with you today and every day!

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